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I have been dealing with the weight gain and the hunger that gnaws at me until I have to indulge it. I get so depressed that all I can do is cry. I hate this so much. The doctors have told me that I qualify to have a sex change because I really am a woman trapped in a man?s body. I don?t want to change it into A fake woman?s body; I just want to have my body back. I know I will not and it depresses me even further. My doctors tell me that for my peace of mind that it would be best if I go ahead with the transition and at least try to be comfortable. I have seen my old body several times since the swap and all I can do is cry over my loss. It is so hard to see someone else wearing it. I know she is a good person inside but I cannot stand to see her. It is just a reminder of what I have lost and depresses me further than I have ever been in my life.I have been trying to get my family to come and visit me but it seems like they have disowned me for no reason of mine. My sisters have. Eventually I found the portfolio. It was from her early modeling days, in her late teens to her twenties. The things she wore in the photos, sent my heart racing. Never in my wildest fantasies had I thought to find such a treasure trove of nude photos or nearly nude photos. She was so free, and confident, so gorgeous. I was captivated. I took one of the photos, it was 8x11 black and white, in it she was on the beach and covered in sand. Her eyes were locked on the camera, and appeared to stare into my soul. I don't know how I ended up doing what I did, or continued to do, but I know that my obsession only continued to grow. Every chance I got I would stare at her, imagining what was beneath her clothes. Being the owner of a gallery had in some ways freed her, and in others confined her. I soon found out that her extensive clothing collection was for her weekend attire when her gallery was open. I made special effort to arise in the morning, to see her away on the weekend..
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